I phoned my baby today and she said everything would be OK . . . after the beep.

Scottish girls are the best in the world x

Three friends married women from different parts of the world…..

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away…..

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table…..

The third man married a girl from Scotland . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates…..

talk to the dead . . . live

political parody – around the world

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk

 

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then

throws the milk away

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy

grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

 

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption

for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to

produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why

the cow has dropped dead.

 

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,

dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three

cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce

twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and

market it worldwide.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows,

but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive…

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows

don’t think about making art, just get it done

 

don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if its good or bad whether they love or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more.

- Andy Warhol

unix c

I’ve missed you

 

what eyes been working on lately . . . see how many old skool skate logos you can spot

 

I’ve missed you . . .

If I could say sorry I would but all I can do is lie here and wish we’d never met. Do you remember when we first saw each other, you were so young and so full of energy it scared all of us. You picked me out  of hundreds. I couldn’t believe it, I don’t know if it was the way I looked or the way I felt but you spent a long time deciding. I knew we were made for each other and as soon as we were alone you told me as much and I tried to tell you.

You hurt me a lot in that first year, so much so I never really got over it, but it was still fun. The things you made me do were an eye opener for both of us. We went at it for 5 days solid once, you even started to bleed but you wouldn’t stop.

Eventually you got comfortable with me being around 24/7, we did everything together, breakfast, school, lunch, detention and even the toilet. You drew pictures on me and in a way I did the same to you. I remember when I hit you back for trying to kick me away, you lay there for two hours screaming at me, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.

There were better times, much better times, when it was just you and me, doing what we wanted, we were free. We travelled all over the place, you took me to see my friends in city’s far away, you took me somewhere new every weekend.

I’ll never forget those days.

I’m sorry you had to grow up, sorry you had to get a job, sorry you found that girl, sorry you wear those funny boots. I’m sorry I got old but you put me through so much in those early days.

So, here we are, you going to work for the seventh day in a row, me lying here gathering dust.

I see the way you look at me.

I know what you want to do.

Go on, touch me.

Feel my smooth belly.

Touch my rough back.

Taste the cold still and spin my wheels.

I am your skateboard and I’ve missed you x

certainly not

i think i have

to appreciate architecture